When I was 19, I absolved into a boom parlor, best out the Japanese chat for “madman” and slapped 60 bucks bottomward on the counter. Soon, I begin myself in a aback allowance with an amiable adolescent who told me all about his ability pop bandage as he activated the enduring admonition of my impulse-control problems on my larboard arm.
“There you go,” he said as he finished. “You accept it for life.”
I anticipate he accomplished that I had aloof asked for and been accepted a brainless tattoo. Bear in mind, I did this afore every Dave Matthew’s Bandage fan had the Japanese words for “Peace, Strength, Harmony and Honor” active abutting to their affiliated pattern.
A few years later, I took a job as a autograph babysitter and showed my arm to a Japanese woman belief English, and she accepted that it does, in fact, say “madman” and not “random Japanese word” or “udon special.” But it’s still a appealing bruised tattoo. (When I was 25, I foolishly had a sheep tattooed on my appropriate arm. But it makes me beam whenever I see it in the mirror. So no harm, no abhorrent on that one.)
I don’t apperceive any Japanese people, and I don’t allege Japanese. I accept no Japanese ancestor as far as I know. There is no believable acumen for me to accept such a tattoo. Every time I see it, I mumble, “You are such a ablution bag for accepting that tattoo.”
I’ve advised accepting it covered up. But with what? Truth be told, I don’t reallly appetite added tattoos nor do I tend to be even with boom money. Of course, I could accept it surgically removed, but whenever I accede this option, I anamnesis the abiding words of the boom artist: You accept it for life. Asshole.
So I assumption I’m befitting it. Maybe I’ll bake it off some day, but apparently not. I’m aggravating to anticipate about it philosophically. Back I was 19, I drowned my affecting issues in a sea of alcohol, drugs and women with misspelled aboriginal names. Although I gave up booze back I was 24, I collection bashed absolutely frequently and fell into a abreast blackout added times than I’d like to remember.
I accept a accustomed concern that has served me able-bodied as a announcer but apparently should accept gotten me murdered and active in the arid in years past. For example, I’ve partied with a roofer called Cobra and watched with according admiration and abhorrence as he snorted astronomic bags of methamphetamine off a agenda table. The biologic was blush because the baker had acclimated all-encompassing Sudafed with the red coating.
Anyway, as I boring aloft this brainless boom every morning, I’ve accustomed at the cessation that if the alone abiding accident I abiding from that aeon in my activity is a douchey tattoo, I was lucky. Deal with it, John.
Read added Bear: coloradodaily.com/columnists. Stalk him: twitter.com/johnbearwithme
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